caption: me - unknowingly about 1 1/2 months pregnant
that's the simple truth of it.
it's not for the faint of heart.
i figured it would be.
hard, that is. what i didn't
figure was the culture of
"happy silence" that surrounds
pregnancy.
it seems like you're not allowed
to talk about how hard it really is.
you're not allowed to talk about the
feelings you have unless they're
all excitement and sunshine.
anything negative just isn't said.
or is frowned upon.
or it's not what people want to hear.
granted, i am really excited about
the arrival of our little guy.
but it's not easy.
all the changes.
all the aches, pains and weird shit
that happens to you.
sometimes i just wish i had
my body back. my old life back.
that i was able to do all of the things
that I did before 7 months ago.
that i wasn't so fragile.
that i could eat sushi
soft cheese.
and medium rare meats.
i've written this entry a few times
over the past few weeks
and i always erase it.
i don't want to seem ungrateful
for the gift i've been given.
there are families who try for years
to concieve and are never able
to have babies.
but without much effort
SHAZAM! here we are...
7 months pregnant.
but if this is my truth
it's got to be the truth for other
women. so screw it...
this is how i feel.
last night was kinda tough,
and i finally ended up falling asleep
with puffy eyes and a pouty lip
after George cooed and soothed me
to sleep. bless my man because
i don't think i could do this
without him.
getting comfortable is difficult
because i can only sleep on my left or
right side. for 32 years, i've been sleeping
on my stomach or my back and
ALL I WANT TO DO THESE DAYS
is fall asleep on my belly.
or curled up into my honey.
which i can't do anymore because
little man is in between us,
which is fine and temporary,
just like all my other gripes.
but that doesn't mean it's not hard.
so to all the women out there
who are currently pregnant,
trying to get pregnant or
already have kids...
along with all the feeling of happiness,
giddiness and general
"wow, i'm having a baby-ness"...
it's okay to be scared.
it's okay to be surly.
it's okay to be indifferent.
it's okay to be pissed off.
it's okay to be sad.
and it's okay to NOT want
to talk about pregnancy at ALL
sometimes.
and it's okay to indulge in your
newfound happiness at the
bulging belly and rub on it
constantly.
it's okay to give the evil eye
to assholes on the train
who don't give u a seat.
and it's okay to just BE, man.
no matter what. it's fine.
you're still you...
and everything about that
is A-OK.
you know,
that's actually great advice
for anybody.
10 comments:
'just be'..beautiful post.
http://www.imeem.com/realken/music/NwfTw-tm/hitek_life_to_me_ft_estelle/
oh dang!
i was trying to link hi tek's
'life to me' featuring estelle.
*bisous*
safia
word UP. that's why i always tell you that you can talk about all the ugly/unpleasant/gross stuff with ME b/c i wanted to hurl that "What to Expect" book with the happy happy joy joy mantra out of the window...
and...same thing goes for motherhood. pregnancy strengthens your resolve for motherhood...which last way longer than 9 months! sometimes i wish i could go back to being pregnant mostly b/c it's cheaper. LOL. i love you girl!
u know i always wondered if they made beds with stomach holes in them so pregnant women could sleep face down. maybe i should've kept this to myself.
Woo woo. Woo woo. The light @ the end of the tunnel is nearing, AAAANNND you have a captive audience to listen to the good and bad willingly in the meantime.
Letitallout. That's what blogs are for.
Oh and Tia read my mind. Hole in bed with some sort of soft support for the babe in belly... It's a bit much but it makes complete sense.
Bella:
This is beautiful!
Thanks for being real.
Life isn't easy, carrying one is even harder, and raising a decent human being is a miracle. That said you two more than decent human beings are making a baby - so trust me you're both entitled to less that fairytale emotions.
Cosign...someone should corner the tempurpedic "baby donut hole" mattress.
i hate computers sometimes!
I jusy worte this long ass comment abd it didn't post!
AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!
long story short, thanks for sharing. your honesty is greatly appreciated :)
*glues knees together*
-fin
p.s.
my Momma found a card you gave her when you first moved to NY. It made her day! Thanks for that :)
just LOL & support rare form!
:P
I'm 11 weeks pregnant and was feeling down (more so then normal) and while reading your blog I almost cried. I loved it, its so true much like life itself its hard at times but being preggers or after baby no one talks about how crazy you feel! I knew it would be hard too and I'm sure it can get much harder from here but I didn't think it would be this hard. No one tells you the dark side perse. I do know that everyone tells you for any troubles that its worth it but I didn't know what to except in this side. THANK YOU SO MUCH!
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