new years resolutions are for procrastinators

me being head chieftan
among all procrastinators,
i can speak intelligently on the subject.

seriously though.
there are several things that i'd
like to change about my current
state of being in 2008.

some i can control.
some i can't.

so i guess it's good that
i've taken the first step
& recognized the difference
between the two.

moving past those things i can't control
actually letting things go
and onto drop-kicking those
things i can.
easier said than done
of course.

but those things i can control...

what's my motivation?
what will get me up off my arse &
get these things done?
i want them done.
i NEED them done.
i'll be happy when they are done.
so i should do them, right?
logical.
succinct.
sounds like an easy breezy splendid plan.

my want + my need + my ability/(motivation) = success

so why isn't it so?
why would i rather do
everything other than what i
need to do?

i need a pet monkey.
i'll teach it to Tase me when
i start getting unproductive.

i'll start getting too comfy on the couch
or start writing postcards instead
of doing dishes, or start shopping
online instead of finishing some work or
watching Talladega Nights for the 15th time
instead of going to the gym...

then ZAPPO! Mr. Jankles (that's the monkey)
gets me in the hamstring one good time
& i pounce into action!
i'd get so much done that way.
my motivator - the exquisite pain inflicted by a
Taser wielding spider monkey
(see 15 Talladega Nights viewings)
with an attitude.

it'd be like having a
little hairy drill sergeant
or like a simian Pai Mei
who breaks down my spirit with
the frequent Tasing,
but rebuilds my will making me stronger
faster & more efficient,
capable of tackling tasks with
only MYSELF as the motivator.

you know, i think i prefer
the Pai Mei monkey
to the drill sergeant monkey.
with white & wispy eyebrows & a beard.
stroking the beard with his
wispy white tail.
too cute.

you know, the monkey in the drill sergeant’s
uniform just creeps me out.
animals shouldn't wear clothes.
it's just not right.

though he wouldn't have a pocket or
anything for the Taser. oh well,
we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

in other news "don't tase me bro,"
should be the catch phrase of 2008.