i need a haircut

i haven't had a haircut since
april of 2007.
that was when i cut
the relaxer out of my hair and
let the hair i was born with
grow out of my head.

i ultimately decided
"this is dumb."
it seemed like
everyone else took no issue
with their natural hair.
it does whatever it was meant
to do & folks make the most
of it. not many drastically alter
it in the way a relaxer does.

so why was i?
i didn't really have a good
answer.
at least not an answer that held
water against just
letting my own hair grow
out of my head.
but i can't lie & say it
was all easy breezy like that.
'twas a struggle.

i'd been wanting to cut it off
for a few years and i always gave in.
returning to a salon,
emerging after 5 hours
smooth & pleasantly coiffed.
for a while, it was all good.
but then the new growth
would start coming in. and i'd get
obsessed with rubbing my curly roots.
i was always squeezing them.
i wanted to know what
my hair looked like.

so i went for it.
that not knowing became
what eventually made me do it.
curiosity. what does my
hair look like? i started to get
mad because i didn't know.

so it was 50/50 - curiosity and defiance.
i went to khamit kinks with
the intention of getting extensions.
helping to ease the transition into
rocking my own hair.
but i got there and it didn't
feel right. why was there the need
to transition?
like, i wasn't leaving rehab.
emerging after being deprogrammed
and cleansed.
i didn't need to be in a halfway house
coping with the strain of my real hair
after getting mixed up with
the cult of lye.
ha. it wasn't THAT serious.
but in a way, it IS that serious
for a lot of women.
so many have had my experience
and just aren't ready to take that
last step.

i get stopped alot by these women
asking the whens wheres & whats
of my going natural experience.
i always end up saying "just do it.
what have you got to lose?"
"it's your hair & if you don't like it
you can always relax it again.
but you won't want to. trust me."

it'd have been nice to have had
someone say that to me.

anyway, i sat in the chair
and told the guy to go for it. cut it off.
and he did. the barber there did it.
admittedly, he shaped
me up a little more than i would
have liked, but whatever.
i got used to it and
now have a nice relationship
with the many many curlie qs
all over my head.

but i do need a haircut.
maybe i'll get one today.